Stimulus: Bass Therapy for Depressions

Saturday, February 21st at Cellspace (2050 Bryant)
10pm - 4am, $15

Main Room
$ EPROM (Raindance, Nexus)
$ Mimosa (Muti)
$ Tom Burbank (Planet Mu, LA)
$ Sidecar & Satori
$ Obi-J (False Profit)
$ Comma (Stay Lucid, Slidecamp)

Chill Room
$ Ganucheau (The Extra Credit)
$ Tinker (False Profit, Ghetto Box SF)
$ Palindrome (False Profit)
$ watson (False Profit)

false-profit.com/2009/02/21/stimulus
facebook.com/event.php

San Francisco, CA – As Federal Reserve officials sifted through the rubble of the US economy for yet undiscovered scraps of copper piping, traders on Wall Street reeled from the announcement of yet another economic term they were forced to pretend to understand: recessionary bass.

“First it was surplus value, then credit default swaps, and now – I mean, what the hell is it? Recessionary bass?” said one incredulous investor. “I call bullshit.”

Psycho-economists specializing in low-end analysis at False Profit’s Institute for Applied Joy were in the midst of a depression study when they noticed that, in long periods of post-industrial economic collapse, participants who self-medicated with low-frequency stimulation reported symptoms that were both less severe and less frequent than the rest of the study group.

“Apparently, being able to ‘feel’ the bass helped participants hold onto something real in our otherwise completely imaginary economy,” said Natalie Johnston, Senior Neurotransmission Mechanic at the Institute.

“I would tell any skeptic to take a look at the Wall Street Journal, then stroll over to those speaker stacks and tell me they don’t believe in recessionary bass,” said Rosco Petracula, a Robust Objects Analyst for False Profit, LLC.

Because of the dramatic success of low-end therapy, ethics dictated that all participants immediately be given access to the subwoofers. The Institute went a step further, announcing that they are expanding treatment to everyone.

In an effort to fight the crippling depression, False Profit, LLC will be holding a six-hour bass therapy session, Stimulus, on Saturday, February 21st at Cellspace. All are encouraged to attend.

Even Wall Street is getting behind Stimulus.

“Consumer confidence increases when consumers aren’t incredibly depressed,” said Fed Chairmen Ben Bernanke, in a rare off-the-cuff remark while clutching a 10-pound coil of copper wire.

false-profit.com/2009/02/21/stimulus
facebook.com/event.php