PRICELESS 2009
July 3-5 - Belden, CA
Tickets on sale Friday, May 1 at 9:00am
Details at priceless.false-profit.com


San Francisco, CA -- Finally, some good news for investors. Trading
volume reached a six-month high today as an announcement from False
Profit, LLC shook the floor: Priceless 2009 will be the first bailout
effort allowing everyday citizens to participate in the rebuilding of
America's economy. While Timothy Geithner's attempts to clean up after
the government's colossal failure to exert any regulatory control over
the financial industry have been alternately lauded and criticized,
False Profit's plan is being universally hailed as a "cornerstone
policy" able to turn the tide of the current economic crisis. The new
effort, which will be implemented on the July 4th weekend, was
explained as, "a way to rebuild the economy through direct
participation in activities such as swimming, dancing, frolicking and,
in general, 'acting the fool.'"

One noted expert on the history of systems failure, Benjamin Chun, put
it this way, "Look, it's like this: in the face of ongoing bailout
efforts, golden parachutes, and retention bonuses large enough to buy
small island nations, there is only one thing that will restore the
faith of American people in the market. And that thing is bass."
Apparently institutional investors couldn't agree more, as evidenced
by the skyrocketing valuations of companies in industries as diverse
as camping equipment, inner tube manufacturing and energy drinks.

With the current turmoil causing many companies to consider risky,
unproven strategies, False Profit's news that Priceless would return
to Belden for a fourth consecutive year led to an audible sigh of
relief on trading floors worldwide. Calli Beck, head of Geopolitical
Strategy for False Profit, explained the decision by emphasizing the
need to, "stay the course," and told a packed press conference, "False
Profit has hit on a winning combination of river, trees and whomp, and
we don't anticipate changing that any time soon."

Meanwhile at False Profit's corporate headquarters, faced with a
barrage of questions about the event pertaining to aspects such as the
musical lineup, range of activities and the location of "my favorite
hoody, which I lost last year," an unnamed False Profit spokesperson
had only this to say, "Online tickets will be available at 9:00 am on
Friday morning. All the other information you need is available at priceless.false-profit.com
right now."

"Oh yeah," the spokesperson added, "Get in shape for the season at
Spring Training, False Profit's annual outdoor daytime party in
Oakland." Despite being planned for a Sunday, May 17, investors should
expect to do some serious business.

ABOUT FALSE PROFIT
False Profit (FPFT) is passionate about what a Limited Liability
Corporation can be. The Corporation seeks to empower human beings to
create and experience the most engaging moments in life, yielding
Better Living Through Better Corporations.