False Profit presents...Avant
A Pre-Symbiosis Gathering Event

Saturday, September 15th
SomArts Cultural Center
394 Brannan St, SF
$12 presales; $15 before midnight; $20 after
10:30pm-6am
www.inticketing.com/evinfo.php

Kelpe (DC Recordings): Manchester, UK
edIT (Alpha Pup, The Glitch Mob): Los Angeles as part of his Certified Air Raid Material Tour
Bluetech (Aleph Zero/Native State): Portland
SHEN (Native State, GSC): Toronto, Canada
deru (Merck Records): Los Angeles
Tycho (Ghostly International): San Francisco
RaNDom (Celestial Dragon, Native State): Tokyo, Japan
Nalepa (Native State): Los Angeles
Dr. Toast (False Profit): San Francisco
Anasia (3WS, The Glitch Mob): San Francisco

Fully Permitted Bar
Chai, Delectable Treats, Breakfast Snacks
Indoor/Outdoor Spaces

*** For Immediate Release ***

San Francisco - Neurochemists at the Center for Applied Vibes—a division of False Profit, LLC—have just announced the discovery of a new element. They are calling it, Avant.

Unlike any other element on the periodic table, Avant has no atomic mass, which places it first on the table, above hydrogen.

“We were baffled because we couldn’t see it,” said Calli Beck, Director of Intimate Observation. “But of course we couldn’t see it. It’s weightless. Avant is not observable. It’s sensational.”

Avant was discovered when several different pleasures were smashed together at high speeds in False Profit’s giant Circular Joy Collider. The company was tight-lipped about which Joys were utilized, however, every scientist I talked to appeared to have chocolate smudges on their lips and berry stains on their lab coats. There were also several empty bottles of wine strewn about the lab. And they were all humming pleasurable music rarely heard in San Francisco.

What also sets Avant apart from other newly discovered elements is that it is useful.

“I stayed up all night studying Avant, and I feel wonderful,” said Director of Chill Studies, Andrea Brooks. “It’s not anything like Einsteinium or Californium, which are highly radioactive and tend to make you groggy.”

False Profit revealed that they’ve been trying to produce this new element for several years now, but when asked what changed for them, VP of Recreational Therapy, Nevada Valentine had only this to say: “We were on the verge of discovery when a Senior Vibrational Analyst from Symbiosis Labs phoned us with a critical piece of information.”

Valentine called that critical information a “trade secret”.

No one at Symbiosis was available for comment because they are all busy tweaking their signature product, the Symbiosis Gathering—set for release on September 20-24 at their headquarters in Northern California.

The weekend before, on Saturday, September 15th at the SomArts Center in San Francisco, Avant, the newest element to the periodic table will be unveiled. False Profit reminds all investors that Avant cannot actually be seen, only experienced.